Incubator, 001
July 29, 2008
Jerry the Security Guard at the office I work at has Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Receptive aphasia is a crystal ball to the universe.
Raymond Carver is dated, but still economical.
A magnifying glass.
April 6, 2008
Directed by Noah Baumbach, 2005
Along with Raising Victor Vargas (Dir. Peter Sollett, 2002), these two films are nothing short of amazing when it comes to culling rich material within the minutia of the nuclear family.
Both films are acting as source material for a significant upcoming project that I am most thankfully acting as Director of Photography. They’re careful and deliberate orchestrations between direction, acting, editing, sound design, and cinematography… yes the complete package.
I’ve given myself a self-assignment of watching several sequences over and over again – paying special attention to blocking, positioning, composition. It’s fun stuff, intense.
I’m hoping my anxieties don’t overrun my capabilities, especially since my workload is increasing and I don’t really know how to turn down projects.
Meet Daniel and Stephanie. Two students whom I’ve come to grow with since 2003. I’ve mentored them, and they’ve mentored me as the first group of students I’ve worked with for documentary filmmaking.
Daniel used to be a punk. He knew it too. Like most teens, his mouth would get the best of him and place him in uncompromising situations. At the peak, I nearly punched him in the face for being so fresh with me—putting me through loops and wasting an hour of my time by faking his lack of understanding of the inappropo existence of the video booty-girls and setting back the image of women a couple of years…
But I didn’t punch him, I never could. Not that I completely understood where his angst was coming from, but moreso, I kinda understood loneliness and laziness and a kind of mental cabin fever. So instead I began to hold him accountable for all of his comments, his snide remarks, etc. I think there was this one moment were he shot off about a video we were working on and it’s lack of coherence, it’s lack of entertainment value—instead of counter-arguing, I figured it would be best to rationalize with the guy. Not that I convinced him of anything contrary to the truth of the crappy video, I just convinced him of the necessity to get your shit done, and done proper. I think that was a first where at the end of the day he said goodbye, instead of disappearing.
And it wasn’t the last, as much as he was persistently irritated and irritating me, I fought just as hard to keep him with it, and I couldn’t tell you why. It wasn’t that I recognized any great talent within him, I figured he was just worth it. I could have screamed any number of times, but I figured it wasn’t worth the energy, and in the end, he figured the same.
By 2005, Daniel had turned. He learned about the consequences of hard work and perseverance, but he’s still got a long way to go—he’s a little cocky now, but I only think that’s because he’s never had the opportunity to be confident. So he’ll probably fail at something and learn humility. But for now, we’ll let it slide.
Stephanie was part of the first group that I had a chance to work with, but she had worked with Sebastian, and along with her older sister Blanca, and a less than active student name Karina (I think), produced an amazing student video entitled Donde Yo Vivi, which translates into ‘Where I Live.’
Stephanie was always the quiet one between Blanca and herself. But she always took to working hard, and she always had this smile on her face like she was thinking of doing something wrong, the kind of smile that made you afraid because you weren’t sure if she was making fun of you or physically hurting you in her thoughts. I found this captivating as I got to know her better.
Perhaps I’m not saying enough about her, and that’s probably only because I didn’t have to struggle with her as much as I did with Daniel. In any case, she was always cooperative, I could always rely on her when I needed a student to help out. She became a kind of crutch, a beacon at best, she made teaching worthwhile—and I love her for that.
Now that I’ve gotten to know her, and what’s actually going through her mind, the armor isn’t so shiny as I once made it. In fact, the armor was only an illusion, beneath it is a teenage girl who wears jeans, has green highlights, and loves hugs her mother every day. Humble.
Daniel and Stephanie are the two students that remind me that I always have a different kind of family to fall back on if times are tough. In fact, they keep me in check, with their more-than-modest lifestyle they still have a proclivity to be young and go through struggle. Stephanie loves drumming, and is getting over her drinking habit, Daniel loves bootlegging hip-hop, and is trying to live a healthy lifestyle.
I tell them a lot about myself, some would say too much, but I can’t help that when you’ve grown up with them. It’s familial. It’s love and it’s a devotion to each other. I haven’t felt that before with students, and as sappy as it sounds, I couldn’t have chosen a better pair.
Isaiah. (May 14, 2005)
December 17, 2007
Isaiah belongs to Sebastian and Kelly. Isaiah is going to be 2 years old and in the 2 years of his existence, he has learned to hold a conversation pretty well. While we were playing with facsimile models of wild animals, and zookeepers, we debated the ethics involved with caging zoo animals for safe transport.
Isaiah took the argument that animals should be to drive themselves from one safe habitat to the other—Isaiah also argued that zookeepers should be reprimanded for their profession and be placed in cages. With a series of coos and barely distinguishable loose monkey translation, but with mental acuity of course, he argued that loving everything as you would love yourself is a good ethic. He also pulled an amazing mental trapeze act by citing lines from Charles Dicken’s works—hitting on Dicken’s thematic of good begetting good, describing the importance and sustainability of empathy.
Amazing.
Seeing the proper reasoning behind his argument and finding mine traditional, Eurocentric, and long-winded, I quickly conceded.
We exchanged hugs, and toasted, I with my beer, and him with his root beer, which he proudly stated was an “adult drink.” I burped, he laughed, and we started a b-boy battle on the living room floor to the new Common album.
Where I’ve been.
November 25, 2007
I’ve been in limbo… the blogosphere is an expanse where one’s thoughts and expressions get mired into bits and pieces – into minutiae, near nothing. One desires recognition, to stick out, a need for vindication. And because I figure no one’s reading, then no rush to write. Right?
In the home of the Sorros, in the home of Manilatown working on Serving of Love: The Passion of Bill Sorro. Since June, I’ve been working in a small team (Nancy Hom, Bob Hsiang, Robynn Takayama [check her site nonogirl.com], Rissa Duque) setting creating a multi-media project that documents the life of Bill Sorro. Check out this website: billsorro.manilatown.org
The Habeas Corpus Resource Center as a Litigation Support Assistant – Paralegal. It’s my new job with a non-profit/film/state agency. We’re the last vehicle in the appeals process for California death row inmates. It’s a profession that can live symbiotically with filmmaking. See hcrc.ca.gov for more information.
Chris Woon’s editing facility. I’ve been inundated with work, and now, getting back to this one. Check the website: amongbboys.com; I’m attempting to find the right time to come into the cipher circle, and hopefully execute some solid blow-ups!
The lobby of the Center for Asian American Media. Since September, once a week, I’ve been part of a small team of cinephiles/writers/critics of Asian and Asian-American nuanced and focused short form works. Ranging from experimental works to magnum opus short narratives, I’ve been learning and re-learning how to express the balance of passion, expression, craft, and money.
Since there’s a relative amount of down-time, I’ll be updating this more frequently.
Let’s try this.
September 18, 2007
This is a new venture for me. I’ve been a blog enthusiast, maybe it’s time for me to press forward with my own.
If you haven’t taken a moment to read the ‘about’ component, I’ll be using this blog as a conduit, a space for me to share insights and information with folks I meet in the course of my life…
…. conversations, photos, and if I get this working right, videos, and audio…
…I’m curious to know how this will play itself out.





